fade away nicely

my throat
waiting
very
very weak
discomfort
my throat
can’t swallow
not allowed
drink eat
all wires
through tube
tummy
can’t take anything
so sore
feel low
absolute
useless

you want to go to sleep the whole but can’t

can’t sleep
during day
night
give tablet
just to
go
no
energy
at all
throat
affects

feel you want to fade away fade away nicely

Violet Gamble
November 2008


Photo Violet Gamble © Lois Blackburn 2009

Actressing

Many of the older people who made these poems were struggling with their pain. Others seemed to find a kind of peace, which helped them deal with it...

It’s hard at first to take painkillers
but you get used after a while
and you take them for peace sake
and it helps you to get back to your act

You’ve always been used to not having them
you’d never been poorly at all
and then you started to be ill
never missed a day in your life

Just keep trying and trying: finally you do
couldn’t swallow them quick enough
and so you become a singer and a dancer
happy as a sunboy now


Emily Thyme
2009

we all want to get home

nothing to do
nothing doing
pass time sleeping
every few
then tea between

a friend is coming
bringing me wool
knit squares
send them
abroad

keep fingers going

at home
watch telly and so
that’s company
a lady across the road
she pops in

always peopling
can’t go home til
I can stand on my
own
two

and fro on the bus
all in
had a blackout
fall
91 years

don’t know if I’m bettering
long passing
shared my bedroom
one brother and two sisters
winter's cold wool

keep fingers going




May Smith
October 2008

Photo May Smith © Lois Blackburn 2009

migraine

fortnight this time
few times before
me head
very bad heads
suffered from migraines all my life
when the change came
I’m left with

take them as part of life
only you can do it
nobody else can help
take my mind of it
find something to take my mind
plenty of people worse of than me
would swap places
life’s ups and down
money doesn’t come into it
live your life to the full
say to myself people have the same problems
they get over it
have to do the same

pain I know its there
try and shut it away as much as I can
plenty worse
migraines for years
say to myself there’s another one
will go eventually

bad bump when I was a little girl
set them off
got to master it
up to you how you deal with it
walk around with a morbid face
that doesn’t help
people go around like it’s the
end of the world
that doesn’t help

when its coming on think
oh not again
nearly all my head
starts at the front goes around the back
severe pain
go on with it
not a lot you can do until it goes
dull headache
an hour
sometimes one eye goes
know one is coming
just deteriorates
then its gone
the Lord did hear me
let me have a good nights sleep

get mythered about things
get one
have to stop mythering
not to worry

pray to the Lord at night
please free me of this pain
more or less help me
grin and bare it till it went
really feel ill
no way out of it
ask Him to take me many times
but He said no you’ll get over it


determined to get there
nobodies going to stop me

Marjorie Rayner
October 2008


Photo Marjorie Rayner © Lois Blackburn 2009

paracetemol soup

love
(what’s wrong with it?) can’t do without
home
the most important place
(love when I think of home)
love it’s true I daren’t say it
the bank writing me love letters
security, savings, minus, plus
my dad singing over the rainbow
throwing coins in the air
noisy
movement
my brother is bent double with arthritis
I am an expert in pain disabled incurable
backache we’ve all got it why haven’t you?
you’ve got to drink gallons and gallons of
paracetemol soup
we’ve all got it like income tax
there’s no escape
bloody hell, miracles
luck
love


Louis Marx, Margot Blake, Gloria Ordman
October 2007

Photo © Lois Blackburn 2008

thee thy summer

21 pills day
21 pills x day
make sweet make sweet
thy beauty
parkinson’s you see
started vertigo
dizzy all the while
fell x four
smashed face
started parkinsons’s

day before the op
I could walk
now I'm not
make sweet make sweet thy beauty
be not self-willed
cant balance
cant walk tween
thee thy

sweet 21
tablets yknow calm you down
sorry mrs jones you’ve got parkinson’s
shock shock
tablets make sweet
7 x morning 3 x dinnertime
7 at night
1+water
1+water

mdp for parkinson’s
choke little
little tube
thee thy summer
be not self-willed
summer pink and blue

choke bit
shake bit
some-a-times
sometimes in the morning
everything whizzing round
vertigo started in
started out with vertigo
parkinson’s you see
thy beauty make sweet make sweet



Doreen Jones
17th October 2008
(alternate edit)

pills by the bucketful

day by day
the red plague
hope the next will be a little bit better
pain
had so long
childhood
a great thing when you can jump out of
the body

prison:
fight against time
it will come nevertheless
can't move like I used to
must be something stopping me
cope
cant do anything else
hope and pray for a cure
heat or cold
or drugs or whatever
tormenting irritation
can apply
pass the parcel of things

headline: mind can conquer body
make the most of what
little we’ve got
know we’re not going to improve
an acre of barren land
go on day by day
best to think about other things
yellow sand
and hope for
pills by the bucketful


5th Dec 2009
Group

a pox of this

gout is a condition that causes pain, inflammation and swelling in one or more of the joints. It usually affects the big toe, but can develop in any joint in

in here about four weeks
terrible state I was
knees useless
getting out of bed
wife standing by
couldn’t stop me flying
get paramedics
help me to stand
gentle s-l-i-d-e to the floor
didn’t bother me
knew I’d get up one day
wife not strong enough
(amazing how strong she is)
she was calm

often occurs in attacks that usually last for three to 10 days, after which the joint should feel normal and pain-free again. The attacks are almost impossible to predict and, if

‘if you go down
…’

just slide
gout inflammation of the blood
into the legs
try to pump them out
put a tube down the leg
and suck on it
not painful

not treated, can cause future attacks to be more frequent and last for longer

lack of power
most difficult getting to
the toilet
a gout of this pox


Gerald Manley
/Shakespeare/NHS Choices website
31st October 2008

time disappears when you're in hospital

time disappears when you're in hospital
nights are very long
days are just as

people seem to think I need to be entertained
I’m happy reading

among my friends of recent years
humorous stories and jokes

memories you create for future generations
remembered as jocular
things you do with your grandchildren
they will say

I remember
Granddad remembering

don’t
do an awful
lot

when friends die
certain instances trigger good/sad
life goes on
days are very long
nights are just as

forget awhile
then something happens remember

experience
death brings
memory



anon
24th Nov 2006

Amputation

(I’m not depressed but)

I was am
putated
that made a difference
cos I’m reliant
I have good glasses
hearing aid
amput
ation was the worst thing
that’s happened
I’ve got no dates

to rely on
in somewhere like this

the way of life
don’t get as many visitors
the way of
sedentary
dependent
life
adjust slowly
am puttee
(they’re very good to you here
I’m not stopping)
lived alone since
father died
long time ago can’t
think when
it’s terrible don’t think
I’ve got it written
I’ve not written when people
left

I’ve no dates
just addresses

– even got phone numbers –
that don’t mean any
thing to me

(I can’t even remember why you’re here)

the worst was

it slows up gradually
a cold fish cold

I’ll have to ask
never thought to make a note
gosh I can’t remember
(when did the war finish?)

I think my mother died
and I don’t think I’ve got a diary with
those dates
started and
retired gosh
– wait
I’ll get my diary
I’ve not got any dates at all
none that matter.

(I can't even remember why you're here)


Anonymous
2006

Everyone has the right to be remembered

you have
more freedom when
you are away
but

the nurses put a limit

the atmosphere every year in
Wales Rhyll Llandudno or the Algarve
the pleasure to stop and go
a wideopen space, a beachfront
the smell is held
contained by things that are a pleasure
to eat doughnuts are sweet
pleasure constantly

cant look after myself proper

constantly seabirds on the headland
suspect or suggest the memory of places
a tram or a train from base to top
do and say what you want
a change of scenery

you’ve got to have someone to help
control

tremors
two shakes of a lambs tail to get to Llandudno
to get away to get home
you look around and see dust
look back and think I was doing such a thing
donkeys years in holiday camps
in tents men on one side women the other
the bane of my wife’s desire
the cheese was very

hard pleasure of these idle days


conversation poem
cherry tree hospital 2009

These are gardens

'These are gardens, landscapes on a human scale'

These are gardens, from the collection 'Our needs are very small' a series of Ltd edition postcard size photo/poems from our archive. They show the view from older people’s hospital beds, wheelchairs, or their accommodation in residential housing. These photos were taken by the participants themselves, or else directed by them. Their words were selected from conversations with each participant – offering sidelong, poetic views on how it feels to be in a care environment.

Yearby yearning

In the mirror I see a reflection in the glass
Looking growing yearby yearning
Time goes by

Time passing yearby year
Flowers slowly
Life suddenly

In the mirror
I see a reflection in the glass

Getting sad and old
Life slowly gone
Time passing
Suddenly tears have past

Eyes blue grey
Pale and small
Getting bluer
Going blind

My memory
Now my voice
Learning to talk + remember

Not sure I believe in angels
Maybe life could start again
Perhaps?

Summer sun
Growing yearby
Sand rain marred seeds growing
Ending
Growing

In the mirror
I see a reflection in the glass

Ending
Growing





Pauline Eaton
Oct 2006

photo copyright Lois Blackburn 2006

Sitting looking out

sitting looking out
the windowaiting
for them to come
hurry up
hurry up
minutes
hours
days
it seems
forever





Pauleen Eaton

a robin red breast

A robin red breast
in a cage


Harry Wantling
2008

part of the Brackenhurst Collection

today: the garden

I’m filled with roses

remember
hydrangea

lilac fuchsia
snowdrop bluebells

reawakened
a memory of those flowers

a memory of
my brother
I looked up to him
there was a birdcage a stork dove water round
cleaned out and painted
in Manchester I can remember good times

not the weeding
not the daffodils

I don’t forget
granddaughter swimming, memories
jigsaw

such good fun in the war
shrapnel
all them bits that were fired up
red hot in a can take it back in a biscuit tin
10 shilling for the lot

Strines Rd Marple
walking down
to school

never been back you’ve got to
look forwards
I’ll always do that

to the shelter underground rocks
school from Stockport from Cheadle
our bus fare for food
back to the family 3 sons and a daughter

today:
I’m filled with the feeling
being upside down

remember
a number of various
I can remember it all
saying it that’s a different thing.

Victor Richardson, Joyce Knibs, Tom Dolan, Victor Richardson, Dorothy
(+ William Carlos Williams – from Asphodel, That Greeny Flower)
November 2009

the speech therapist

when my love swears that she is made of truth

the words come down the wrong half

we can’t - we are – learning unlearned

I do believe her, though I know she lies

in the world's false subtleties
not the half, the other we will learn to speak

although she knows my days are past the best

helpless helpless, paralysed

I credit her false-speaking tongue
it’s coming spent, it’s half through

but wherefore says she is not, she is
hard to describe

therefore I lie with her, and she with me,
it’s half through, we hope it will

BE.

Anonymous

31^st July 2009

Debilitated

crying
with frustration
why
don't you listen?

pain:
why d'you do this?
time
cry with clenches

get up
from your wheelchair
God
-forgotten prayer.

Jean Cheatham July 2009

the old grenadiers

you’re 96 years

thy image

an old Grenadier

at my age seem to be past doing

but these particulars are not

my measure:

overthrow 3 bad falls

oh the old Grenadiers the servants, the soldier-servants

don’t create alarms

just keep idling away

pain's

red medal round my neck

in defeat

this day I forgot

lay on the floor to the weary night

though new-fangled ill

this old dog’s prouder still

Ron Miles (Curzon) 1^st July 2009

my eyes they view the afternoon (part 1)

went down and that was it

going to make my Aunt a cup of tea

a cup of tea and went down to the floor

woke in hospital

*

try to get up

image shouts

*

where am I going?

different than a normal fall

try to get up , couldn’t shout or anything

don’t remember the brain scan

*

I woke through heavy sleep

in hospital my rest defeat

*

cry with aggravation

particularly in the early stages

can’t even get to your own wardrobe

have to ask for everything

shadow’s form to ask

everything against your nature

against your nature

always wanted to do things myself

accepted it more than to begin with

in terrible pain, chronic pain/relief

*

my eyes they view the afternoon

but when I sleep

*

get back to my Aunt

I care for and love

only the two of us

a normal quiet life, the living day.

*

Lynn Holt

1^st July 2009

gammy leg

started out cellulitis

like a rash creams and lotions managed

but you know how it goes

down the leg

on the foot

then they wanted to meet

can’t remember Christmas

my leg

could sit here and cry for eternity

wouldn’t put my leg back

occasionally I forget

roundabouts

going longer between spaces

I have phantom pains

like an itch a weird sensation

I want to scratch my foot

the foot’s not there

try to master mind over matter

can’t scratch phantom pains

sometimes it works

sometimes I still forget

Anonymous 8th July 2009

my eyes they view the afternoon (part 2)

The living day

my eyes they view the afternoon

but when I sleep the floor

try to get up my way

the image shouts

where am I going?

I woke through heavy sleep

in hospital my rest defeat

shadow’s form to ask

everything against your nature

Lynn Holt 1^st July 2009

starcrossd

what time is it?

it is she may ring by every star

she may not forever now

*

at home rather know

than feel and fell

pain it’s getting better

lovers tell

*

my daughter may ring

waitinghome and fellwaiting

*

someone came to me

saw me when

I fell

*

waiting for my daughter

what time is it?

it is she may ring by every star

she may not forever now

Anon
8 July 2009

constancy

hospital
a huge mountain between my
heart and tongue
ill-starred
not important
rubbish
brought here and left
a mountain
if I could pray
prayers would move me

***

Fellows in the Firmament!
it is up to you to get right
down to you, getting better
(***
certainly is
***)
to be helpful with those helping you
determination will make a difference
to be very patient
is a difficult art
you’re not born such
constantly
learning
you get old
as the northern star.

Anonymous
11 September 2009

Little tree

December 4^th and a Christmas poetry session that would not be complete without E E Cummings Little tree. It was nice to see the marked progress of the E1 group, Tom had gone home, Joyce was able to say certain words, Victor was much more able and we had two new participants Philip who could not hear and Joan who liked to sleep. We constructed poems of Christmas feelings past and present and looked into the little tree poem to create our own version. The group were wonderfully open and when Joyce struggled on a word Victor would step in. A tree poem was imagined and constructed with the winter leaves were withering away, but Victor took me aside after the session and asked us to paint a more positive image, I hope that comes across.

The afternoon session was spent with four remarkable women, one whom had taken part in the previous workshop. Two sisters Eileen and Elsie told me their ways of being, and Ida described the most intense relationship with her own Aunt. What struck me when speaking to these women was how much loved ones come into our minds when we are alone and still and what a reflective time of year it is. The sessions always are a journey, as you do not where they will lead and who you will meet; in the words of Ida “it’s a Peter Pan journey.”

Auntie Ida

was kindness itself

well if you were looking at Auntie

you were looking at me

and looking at me you’re looking at her

just like her

she’d take what I’d say

the only one who could give me a hug

and get away with it

vivid in my mind

If we were both having a good day

nobody could say anything to us

nobody could touch us on them days

if we were having a bad day then it was

I’ve had big journeys all my life

stepped off bridges wider than the widest road

the day you feel it coming all that has been the truth:

thoughts of Auntie Ida so vivid

could say that Ida just walked past the window

someone with a coat like Auntie Ida

I’d insist it was

the two of us stood waiting

for Ida to come through

her face

is it like mine?

anxious to see her

picture

a lovely little daisy

if I could express it

Auntie Ida’s just come in

you haven’t got to be frightened of her

on

a miserable Wednesday

I couldn’t describe her on Wednesday

she’d be so down in the world

Wednesday was one of her bad days

if I could throw Wednesday away

I always think something happened that day

a deep loving August day

she’d change into somebody

but for every bad Wednesday

keep it love

Because you’ll be wondering if tomorrow

she'll be flying through the window

like Peter Pan

Ida Regan

Ward A10

4th December 2009

'Depression is a serious illness. Health professionals use the words depression, depressive illness or clinical depression to refer to it. It is very different from the common experience of feeling miserable or fed up for a short period of time.

When you’re depressed, you may have feelings of extreme sadness that can last for a long time. These feelings are severe enough to interfere with your daily life, and can last for weeks or months, rather than days.

Depression is quite common, and about 15% of people will have a bout of severe depression at some point in their lives. However, the exact number of people with depression is hard to estimate because many people do not get help, or are not formally diagnosed with the condition.' From NHS choices website.

For further examples of arthur+martha poems, please visit http://arthur-and-martha-poems.blogspot.com/

Guest writer

It was definitely the beginning of this cold spell, when I went to do my first poetry workshops at Stepping Hill Hospital on 6th November. I was nervous, especially as I was going along to the stroke unit E1 where a long time friend of mine was a patient and would now be a participating in this morning’s workshop.  I was also confused to find that B5 was no longer, and so I rearranged my afternoon session for the old faithful A10.

The morning session on E1 was in a group with people who had recently had a stroke. Each of them had been affected differently. Joyce had lost her speech and was working on gaining it back, Tom had lost the use of his left hand and was slowly trying to adapt to using his other, Victor could no longer write and Muriel was in a similar position.

I felt so much compassion for all of them taking on board the activity of the morning, which was to write how they were feeling using William Carlos William’s poem Asphodel as loose inspiration.
I considered what a difficult task this is to do, when the entire group had been to places recently within their own bodies they would never have imagined.  I was greeted with warmth, tears, sharing, deep thoughts and exasperation.  But not once was any frustration aimed inappropriately, the heightened emotions allowed creativity to happen and vice versa.
William Carlos Williams was chosen as an established poet who suffered a series of strokes, he spoke of his weakened physical state giving him strengthened creative ones. His poem gave way for much discussion and interpretation in the morning session and carried on to A10.

The afternoon session was spent one to one with two patients, who openly admitted liked to talk.  We went from the past to the present, through people in their lives and the daily minute. There are so many levels of creativity I see when finding people to engage in these sort of sessions, from church, to dancing, to making clothes, to bird watching, we are each as unique as our own passion placement, but underlying these writings show we all have the same essential qualities.
All in all an awe inspiring day.