Caring and dementia

Anne Sadler and Anne Parry interviewed at Bluebell Ward Dementia Day Centre, The Meadows, Stockport, 2009

Ann Parry

Our job? Making life a little better, making it fun.

Anne Sadler

Treating people as you’d wish yourself or yours to be treated – as individuals. People aren’t a condition, it’s individualised for all of us. As health professionals we are in a privileged position to be with these people. Carers are often talked about as the ones who have to give their personal lives, their time, their caring, and so on. But the flipside is what we get from it- we get people’s histories, lives, wisdom.

Ann

We also get their trust. Making them feel wanted, because they might feel they don’t fit in anymore and they need reassurance. We can give that, among other things. You feel better about yourself because you have given something. I’ve never wanted praise, just that the patient feels settled and enjoys the group. If I can give that, I feel better.

Anne

You might not be having a great day, but if you catch glimpses of people, it brings you back to where you are and what you’re doing. It grounds you.

Ann

What we’re doing is caring for someone. We give life. We give choices, so they can make their mind up about things. We give them our attention.

Anne

Compassion fatigue can happen, I’ve seen it. The only thing I hope for is that if I burn out that I’m able to realise, because that is the time that I give up this job. If your compassion goes, you should go. A partner can lose compassion. They have to deal with it night and day, but we can go home at the end of the shift.

Anne

We try to keep sight of the fact that these people are made up of their own lives, which they can articulate and feel, despite the dementias. We need to keep listening, maybe listening more intently to people who are unwell. I liken it to day-to-day conversations where I will listen with half an ear. At work it’s very important that I give my full attention, truly listening.

Ann

Otherwise you make assumptions and they get frustrated.

Anne

The way people behave is explained partly by knowing their history, it helps you piece together what they’re saying now. I remember 30 years ago in residential care a lady with fists clenched, shouting. It didn’t make sense at first, but then it transpired that she was bothered about something that had happened from years gone by. That was the essence of it.

People cope with dementias the same way that people cope with physical issues. They get the strength from somewhere, faced with any illness.

Ann

With dementia, as with any illness there’s some who fight and some give in. Some want to be looked after, dependent. If the carer is fed up and doesn’t want to give care then these people have problems.

In the poem written in the workshop I liked the image of dementia being a bit like getting off a bus in the rain and not being able to tell where you are.

Anne

I like images of dementia to be more than just confusion. I like them to be lighter and brighter, that it isn’t all a dark journey. That’s what I’d like to get across to the general public. TV images of dementia as sadness I don’t agree with. You always get this awful chamber music and shots of gravestones. There is happiness too. It’s not all the time, but it is there. And are any of us happy all the time? No!

If we can help channel the happiness – and the anger too - that’s our job. If we can take some of the anger it helps them. It’s not always pleasant, but it isn’t about us it’s about them. There’s a balance to be struck and people who attend as staff are aware of this. People’s emotions change as their illnesses progress. Some kind be insightful at times which can bring comfort, but at times can make them angry. “Why me?”

Ann

In the early stages a dementia can be awful, especially in young onset. People giving up jobs, big effect on the family.

Anne

Part of our job is to help people with that understanding. People can be angry, seem nasty, threatened. But it’s up to us to look beyond that. When I do home visits, very often it’s my job to help them maintain independence, not to take it. People worry about independence going.

When we talk about independence going, we often talk about this big whole. But there’s fractions of independence and they are important, little flags of independence. So for example, self-care might be very important to one person and not to someone else. Social independence – just the ability to socialise – can keep people going. If you chat to someone, that’s your choice and you’re exercising independence. A lot of it comes down to choice. It’s the same with our help. If we explain what we are doing and they give assent, then they are still showing a sign of independence.